Would you eat a human corpse to reduce your carbon footprint?
There is no shortage of absurdities circulating the internet and media outlets, and it feels like just yesterday we were wrestling with the proposal of eating bugs, because it´s more environmentally friendly than beef. Personally, I´m waiting for the apocalypse to kick off before I make a lifestyle out of that one. More importantly though, surely you have heard? It´s getting weirder…
Previously an untouchable taboo only explored in film and fiction, music and video games, cannibalism is the new trendy activity hitting the dinner table, because we need to reduce our greenhouse gas emissions. Wait what?
Are there better ways to save the planet than cannibalism?
Although some body types likely need to eat meat to optimize their health, with the sheer diversity of micro-nutrients available to the conscious shopper, it´s possible for most individuals to live a very healthy life, with a complete diet, as a vegan or vegetarian. Why not go that route, or simply eat less meat? Why would we turn to eating our dead when we have such a broad diversity of options?
Moreover, what is up with human flesh flavored vegan burgers? Swedish alternative meat company Oumph designed this product for Halloween last year, and the residents of Stockholm were the first to have a taste of the world´s first artificial man flesh. It´s not cannibalism if it just tastes like it right? It´s not gay if you´re wearing socks.
“This Halloween, we really want to push some boundaries….” Mission accomplished guys! Vegans everywhere can finally satisfy any sudden cravings for barbecued man flesh without ruining their strict diets. This may help carnivorous cannibals reduce their carbon footprint by turning to more environmentally friendly soy products.
What about all the non-vegan cannibals though, or those with an intolerance to gluten? Should they not be able to enjoy the primal sensation of eating one of their own too? Apologies, I mean fight climate change. Fortunately, the dinosaur media – the Pfizer sponsored TV people who tend to get the weather forecast wrong – are badly pushing for the public to reconsider their stance on this oppressed activity. Animal protein; climate crisis. Cannibalism; progress. Beef burger; kill planet. Man burger; save planet. Kuru disease; conspiracy theory!
AI powered meat processing plants with advanced air-knives?
In all seriousness, have you heard about the massive AI controlled meat rendering facility beginning construction in Rapid City, South Dakota next year? It has a 1.1billion dollar budget, is planned to open in 2026, and process 8000 heads of cattle per day. They´re calling it Western Legacy Development Corporation. I can´t help but feel a bit nervous these days, and I ask; where are they going to get all those cows from? 8000 cows per day. It´s not available in the region, and ranchers elsewhere are thinning their herds, long before the factory opens in 2026. Where are they going to acquire 3 million heads of cattle per year to return the huge $1.1billion investment? A certain movie comes to mind, but I´d be delighted if my intuition is wrong this time.
What do you think? Is this a “new normal” that resonates with you? Would you eat man flesh to save the planet from global warming? Do you think it would work? Are there better ways to heal our climate from the damage done, without eating Grandma? Are the gullible masses being conditioned to live in a barbaric Soylent Green like civilization, and is there a malicious underlining agenda at hand? Your opinion matters, please leave a comment below!