It is common but harmful to manipulate others to maintain a sense of control or dominance. I´m going to take a step forward immediately, and tell you I´ve been guilty of this myself on countless occasions; I´ve been on both sides of the dynamic. People who do this are not evil, sociopaths, or psychopaths, but it is harmful to their own evolution and taxing on those they affect.
It is important, especially for young people lacking worldly experience, to learn to identify when they are being manipulated, and to be mindful of their own words and actions. There is a subtle and slippery slope. The abuser will treat someone very well when they do what they want, and very poorly when they go against their wishes. It´s a simple carrot and stick strategy of manipulation, and it´s often committed subconsciously.
What is a control drama?
A control drama is the method by which someone manipulates someone else for energy in its varying forms. It´s hammer and nail; a low-level subconscious effort to take energy from other people. If everyone is taking from others to recharge themselves, energy becomes very scarce, but energy from source (Creator, God, Allah, Brahman, Mother Nature, whatever your vocabulary defines This as) is infinite. James Redfield is fictional author who covers this extensively. The four major control dramas are:
“Poor me” – Playing the victim. I´m so hard done by, and somehow it´s your fault…
“Aloof” – Playing mysterious. What am I going to do? Worry about me…
“Interrogator” – Undermining your world view so you lose faith in yourself…
“Intimidator” – Dangerous! Willing/threatening to inflict physical harm upon you, people you care about, or your property
An example within a business relationship
Jerry has been carrying the bulk of the workload and has footed all the expenses to build a company with Joe, and Joe has been nice to him because Jerry hasn´t complained about the imbalance of time and investment of their joint venture. One day, Jerry decides that the verbal agreement of the business venture is unfair and could be optimized, so he works all evening on an amendment to the company model and sends it to Joe. When they call the next day to discuss the pivot, he expects Joe to give positive feedback and is very open to negotiating the plan if necessary to work for both of them. Instead, Joe has decided to stop the project. Jerry is surprised, but he is willing to carry on alone if necessary; he worked for hundreds of hours over half a year for this, and doesn´t want it all to be for nothing. Joe gets mad at Jerry, criticizes him and asks him abrasive questions without letting him give any answers. The conversation causes Jerry to feel terrible and uncertain about his decision to seek positive change. Jerry´s temptation is to apologize to Joe and beg him to continue to work on the project together under the same imbalance which motivated him to pursue change in the first place. If Jerry does this, Joe succeeds in his manipulation and the control drama becomes deeper.
What can Jerry do?
It´s going to be hard, but to break free from the control drama Jerry needs to trust his discernment and push through the discomfort he is experiencing. If he can do this, he will become a stronger, more empathetic man. He will become harder to manipulate, and less likely to manipulate others.
What should Jerry not do?
Jerry should not go back on his word. The only way to end an abusive relationship is to walk away from it. If Jerry truly was (as he perceived) the lifter on the team, he will find more profit and success without Joe. However, if he decides to stay in the control drama under Joe´s authority, he will be weakened by the experience, and the cycle will repeat. Every time he surrenders to Joe´s energetic control drama, it will become harder to break out of it, until he is unable to exercise his own free will. Jerry will eventually develop a counter to Joe´s control drama, or seek to recreate a reversed version of their relationship with another person to off-set his growing sense of depletion from continuing to submit to Joe. Abusers create victims; victims become abusers; abusers create victims; victims become abusers.
We can break this cycle, and to succeed as a species we must.
Homework to make the world a better place
- Ponder your relationships and consider if you are being manipulated, or manipulating someone else.
- If so, stop it, and take time to yourself.
- Connect with nature, seek the Father and the Mother, and they will find you and give you everything you need.
Waves, sunsets, and a broken heart
This is far enough. The last rogue wave crashes over me. The journey was a battle against Her most powerful constant force, and now I bobble in wonder, held by Her most elegant embrace passed the break; craddled by Her most gentle sway. As dark forces guard sacred places, so do crashing waves guard Her distant heart; a gem known by a worthy few who dare to reach Her despite the dangers. This sanctuary is embroidered with silent wisdom. This is the right type of silence to water the seeds planted within me, cracking to spout, desperate for nurturing; to grow.
“Come to me,” She says, “Come. And I will heal your broken heart. I will fill the hole that nothing else can.”
And I know She speaks the truth.